I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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