what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
