Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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