Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
