I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
