Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
