Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
