My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Apparently you make a good broom.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
