I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
