The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
