Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
