Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
