just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
