absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
