Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
