Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
