i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
