??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have tasted many bathrooms
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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