I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
