Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
