Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I want her autograph on my taint
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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