I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
