did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
this must be what syphilis tastes like
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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