Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
