those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
