I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
