I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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