can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
