I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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