I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
