she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
