some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
