You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
