I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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