I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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