i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
