piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it's like iHOP with fire
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
