Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
