it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
