You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
