I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
