So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
