This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
