I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
