I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
