based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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