Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
