He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
