Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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