He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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