ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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