I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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