I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
