so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
