i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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