Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
