Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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