Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
