Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
