Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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