I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
