one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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