I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
