She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The best revenge is premature balding
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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