i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
